24 times drunker

"It looks like you got your ass kicked. Rough night?" The COO of our company said to me on the elevator yesterday.

"Rough week," I replied.

"Have you been drinking all this week?"

"Everyday. It hurts."

"At least you're young enough so that it's not as painful."

Oh but it is. I completely dread the thought of alcohol, yet I keep returning to that abusive relationship. Birthdays used to mean ice cream cake and pinatas, but now it's beer cases and turning myself into a pinata. When the COO said I looked like I got my ass kicked, he must have been referring to the bruises and scratches all over my arms (legs too but I've been covering them up as anyone getting beaten would do).

Since I got food poisoning last week, my liver hasn't gotten a break. The weekend consisted of drinking with my sister, Jaymi and brother-in-law, Ben, who graciously came to help me move. But the week only got rougher:

Monday- Drank with the new roomies (who I'm sure hate me now for falling over tables and dropping things when I've been drunk this week. I forget the concept of lights) at Alligator lounge which offers a free pizza coupon with every drink purchase. Pretty awesome because you can get a beer+pizza (tipping included) for $6.

Tuesday- Scarab lounge (hookah bar) with Tranny and Liane where we shared a pitcher of sangria (which was delicious! mmm fruit), peroegies (fried like Bell's AA) and onion rings. We went to this dive bar nearby called Holiday cocktail lounge for $7 beer+whiskey shots, where we met Tew and his new boss (Side note: visitors are also catalysts for intense drinking). Were we trying to go to another bar? Don't know but there were hotdogs. Mine was wrapped in bacon because bacon's awesome! At some point it had become my birthday (ugh), so the goal of getting me wasted... worked. Hence why....

Wednesday - I woke up drunk. Really drunk. Had a drink during the very fantastic U.S. vs Algeria game (well played U.S.) to not hit hangover. Upon finding out that it was my birthday, my coworker, Jro, organized after work drinks at Rattle n' hum, where I got drunk before dinner with Encore loves at Barbossa. We all shared crab dips. Liane and I shared the shrimp avocado curry which was more of a tomato based stew (favorite of the night) and some seafood stew. We went to Gatsby's after that. I was on my way home after, but checked-in with Tew and met up with his coworkers and continued drinking. After that, Tew and I went to Angel's share (delicious strawberry and tyme drink and earl grey drink). Then, I refused to let Tew make sure I get in a cab first and got creeped out by a man who pretended to be lost then asked if i wanted to grab a drink. In that process, I tripped over a trashcan I didn't see before a cab finally came to save me.

Thursday- I wasn't going to drink, but when I waited for Hannah and Jane at Stanton Social, I didn't know what else to do but order a cocktail at the bar (blood orange jalapeno margarita was quite a struggle). We ordered a bottle of wine, had great food then had coffee/tea in union square. By the time that was done it was 10:30pm. They advised me to go home, but no, I still wanted to meet up with Tew while he was in town. So he and his boss and I go to Third Floor to meet Timmy and friends. After a girl fight nearly broke out, Tew, his boss and I snuck out.

"Let's go to a strip club," they said.

Without hesitationed, I said "ok."

So we went to Penthouse Executive, which is more of a gentleman's club. While I was getting violated visually and physically by topless woman, I texted my boss to say "I might be late to work. My old coworkers are taking me to my first strip club for my 'birthday.' Warning you now." Tew and his boss said that probably wasn't a good idea, to which i responded with "He won't care. He tells me he's hungover all the time." In retrospect, no matter how cool your boss is, you probably still shouldn't text them at 2am saying you'll be late to work because you're watching naked women.

Friday- Ate yellow tail sashimi appetizer and burgers at Dumont with Dan. Met up with Jro and downed soju and whiskey before the booze cruise disco dance party with more coworkers. We went to some kind of brazilian bar for more dancing. Lost a coworker (*cough* Dan) and played Manhattan hide and seek to find him. So I see daylight once again before going to bed- evidence that it was an extremely fun night.

Today- I organized a birthday party at Professor Thom's. I dont want to drink but I've accepted the fact that it will happen. To this I say damn you birthday and damn you liquor.

"Do you feel older?" I-can't-remember-who asked.

"No just drunker. 24 just means 24 times drunker than before."